Hello Love,
This has been a harder week for your mommy than she thought it would be. You see I feel like I have been waiting for you forever now. There are days when I feel perfectly fine, almost divinely patient in my waiting to be blessed to have you and then there are days like the past few where my patience is holding on by a very thin thread. Lately my mind just has been fixated on why I have to be the one who waits. Why can't it be the girl over there with 2 young children and one on the way? Why does she get to have her sweet babies and not me? What have I done wrong? Why don't I deserve this gift and someone on welfare does? I have a lot of "why me" feelings this week and I don't mean to, but sometimes your mommy likes to go off into her own world and have a pity party for herself. Actually I don't think I even want to call them pity parties anymore! I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I do want something to happen already! I want to know who you are! I want to hold you inside my tummy and hear your heartbeat along with mine. I want to know if you are a boy or a girl. I want to see your face and hold you. I want to calm your screaming. I want to just take care of you. But as the days go by I get more and more upset that I'm not doing those things already.
I want you to know now that when I become pregnant with you I will be the most fulfilled and happy mommy the world has ever known. It took your grammy a loooong time to have your Uncle Bart and then another five years later she had me. I know she felt what I am feeling and somehow I am thankful that she went through it, but at the same time I just don't understand why the same thing is going on with me.
A lot of people tell your mommy to "relax, it will happen" or "you need to go on vacation" and "just stop trying, I know so-and-so and she stopped trying and then it happened"....blah, blah, blah!!! I know they all mean well, but I'm really getting sick of hearing the same thing over and over again. I'm getting tired of not knowing why you aren't here with us yet. I don't know what God is doing, but I can only imagine that it will be great! I can't help but think that you just are the most perfect, angelic child that He's ever created and it takes a while for a one of a kind "you" to be made. I know you will be worth the wait, sweetie, I know you will.... I just long to feel you in my arms! Mommy's having a hard week.
If you can read this, would you tell God to hurry a little faster? Ha! Like I can tell the creator of the universe what to do! But maybe you can just whisper to Him that your mommy and daddy are ready to meet you? When He's giving you your great-grandpa Buddy's single dimple just wink at him and say, "all done?" Maybe my family up there in Heaven is just having the best time with you. I don't know, but I sure would like to have you here. Then maybe your daddy will get to stop worrying about when I'm gonna be sad again.
I love you more than anything, baby!
Love, Your Mommy, Sarah (and daddy too)
8/13/2009
7/21/2009
Tuesday July 21, 2009
Darling Angel,
Today I thought I'd tell you about how your mommy and daddy met. Like I had mentioned in the first letter, we met in December of 2004 in Jackson, Mississippi. Your mommy and mamaw took a trip to Mississippi in December to visit our good friends at Ballet Magnificat! (they have been praying for your arrival too, they are your extended family and they love you!) We went all over Mississippi and even went to New Orleans, Louisiana. The highlight of our trip though was going to see Ballet Mag perform in their annual Christmas production. It was that night that your mommy and daddy met.
Since we are good friends with the company we were invited to eat dinner with them after the performance. Your daddy was friends with some of them too and as you will learn, food is the key to daddy's heart! We met in the lobby area of the Chili's in Jackson, but we didn't actually end up eating there because it was really busy! But we still introduced ourselves to each other and then he let us follow him to the other restaurant. We sat next to each other and talked basically the whole time that we were there. He had to go to work that evening, but he asked if we would be at church the next day and we were so he said he would see me then. I knew during our conversation (and even when we shook hands in Chili's) that there was something very different and special about this Matt guy!
The next day we went to church at Cornerstone Church in Brandon and he sat with us. I really wasn't trying to pay attention to him while he was worshiping, but I will admit that I glanced over at him a few times. It was so nice to see a man freely praising the Lord. After service I knew that he would be asking for my phone number (I have pretty good intuition) and of course, he did. Mamaw and I went to Cracker Barrel for lunch and he and his friend, Thomas, also showed up. (mamaw wasn't too sure about daddy to begin with because she thought he was stalking me, but that was never the case...God just wanted us to see each other again before we left for CA) We talked some more. He made me try southern fried catfish (daddy's favorite food) and I ate my chicken and dumplin's. We parted ways and got on a plane back home to California.
It was about a week or so after we got back home that he called me for the first time. We spoke for about three hours! Another thing you need to know about daddy is that he doesn't talk a whole lot, but he likes talking to me! It was after that conversation that I knew in my heart that God had put him into my life to be my husband (it was the same for him too)! We talked a lot more on the phone after that. He came out to CA to visit me and meet your grampy and to see some of the sights too. A few weeks later he called your grampy and asked if he could marry me; and he said that he could. So, Daddy paid for me to come back to Mississippi in March of 2005 to meet his parents and to propose marriage to me. He moved out to be closer to me in April and then we were married in December! (that was the really short, short version, but I promise to give you details when you get older)
As you can see, my sweetie, God made your mommy and daddy for each other! We had both been waiting and praying that He would send us the one that would be our mate for life. It took about three years of crying, pleading, whining and screaming for us to finally cross paths. Would I do it all over again? Absolutely! God's plan for our lives is always the best plan, my dear. It may not be the easy plan, but life isn't easy. As I waited for your daddy to come along in my life I learned who I was as an individual and who I was as a Christ-follower. God had to work in my life and heart before I was ready for a husband. He was preparing me to be a wife for your daddy and for him to be a good husband to your mommy! (He is the best hubby I could ever ask for, by the way!) And as much as I want you to already be here I trust God and know that He has the most amazing plan for us as a family and for you as our precious child! We are praying that you will be here soon because we feel like we are ready, but it is God's say that makes the difference. He is the one who decides! I hope that one day I will be able to teach you just how trustworthy God is! His plans are amazing and I cannot wait to meet you and see what His plans are for you, little one!
I love you very much, baby! I cannot wait to meet you and I will be writing again very soon, love!
Love, your mommy,
Sarah
Today I thought I'd tell you about how your mommy and daddy met. Like I had mentioned in the first letter, we met in December of 2004 in Jackson, Mississippi. Your mommy and mamaw took a trip to Mississippi in December to visit our good friends at Ballet Magnificat! (they have been praying for your arrival too, they are your extended family and they love you!) We went all over Mississippi and even went to New Orleans, Louisiana. The highlight of our trip though was going to see Ballet Mag perform in their annual Christmas production. It was that night that your mommy and daddy met.
Since we are good friends with the company we were invited to eat dinner with them after the performance. Your daddy was friends with some of them too and as you will learn, food is the key to daddy's heart! We met in the lobby area of the Chili's in Jackson, but we didn't actually end up eating there because it was really busy! But we still introduced ourselves to each other and then he let us follow him to the other restaurant. We sat next to each other and talked basically the whole time that we were there. He had to go to work that evening, but he asked if we would be at church the next day and we were so he said he would see me then. I knew during our conversation (and even when we shook hands in Chili's) that there was something very different and special about this Matt guy!
The next day we went to church at Cornerstone Church in Brandon and he sat with us. I really wasn't trying to pay attention to him while he was worshiping, but I will admit that I glanced over at him a few times. It was so nice to see a man freely praising the Lord. After service I knew that he would be asking for my phone number (I have pretty good intuition) and of course, he did. Mamaw and I went to Cracker Barrel for lunch and he and his friend, Thomas, also showed up. (mamaw wasn't too sure about daddy to begin with because she thought he was stalking me, but that was never the case...God just wanted us to see each other again before we left for CA) We talked some more. He made me try southern fried catfish (daddy's favorite food) and I ate my chicken and dumplin's. We parted ways and got on a plane back home to California.
It was about a week or so after we got back home that he called me for the first time. We spoke for about three hours! Another thing you need to know about daddy is that he doesn't talk a whole lot, but he likes talking to me! It was after that conversation that I knew in my heart that God had put him into my life to be my husband (it was the same for him too)! We talked a lot more on the phone after that. He came out to CA to visit me and meet your grampy and to see some of the sights too. A few weeks later he called your grampy and asked if he could marry me; and he said that he could. So, Daddy paid for me to come back to Mississippi in March of 2005 to meet his parents and to propose marriage to me. He moved out to be closer to me in April and then we were married in December! (that was the really short, short version, but I promise to give you details when you get older)
As you can see, my sweetie, God made your mommy and daddy for each other! We had both been waiting and praying that He would send us the one that would be our mate for life. It took about three years of crying, pleading, whining and screaming for us to finally cross paths. Would I do it all over again? Absolutely! God's plan for our lives is always the best plan, my dear. It may not be the easy plan, but life isn't easy. As I waited for your daddy to come along in my life I learned who I was as an individual and who I was as a Christ-follower. God had to work in my life and heart before I was ready for a husband. He was preparing me to be a wife for your daddy and for him to be a good husband to your mommy! (He is the best hubby I could ever ask for, by the way!) And as much as I want you to already be here I trust God and know that He has the most amazing plan for us as a family and for you as our precious child! We are praying that you will be here soon because we feel like we are ready, but it is God's say that makes the difference. He is the one who decides! I hope that one day I will be able to teach you just how trustworthy God is! His plans are amazing and I cannot wait to meet you and see what His plans are for you, little one!
I love you very much, baby! I cannot wait to meet you and I will be writing again very soon, love!
Love, your mommy,
Sarah
7/15/2009
Wednesday July 15, 2009
Dear sweet child of mine,
This is my first official letter to you. As you will learn one day, you are not here on earth with us yet, but mommy and daddy are waiting for you. Daddy's name is Matthew Daniel and I am Sarah Jan. We were married almost 4 years ago in Sacramento, California on December 16, 2005. Your Mamaw and Grampy still live in California, but I have a sneaky suspicion that when you arrive one day they might make their way here to Texas where we live. You have an Uncle Bart (my brother) and an Aunt April (my best friend since I was little) who also live in California who I'm sure you're going to love and they will adore you too. You already have two silly dachshund puppies who will consider themselves your "brother and sister" and their names are Sprocket (boy dog) and Snickers (girl dog). We have made sure that they love kids and they really do, I know they will love you! Your Nanna and Poppy (daddy's parents) live in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Your daddy is originally from Mississippi and that's where we met in December of 2004. You have an Aunt Jill (daddy's sister), Uncle Bo (aunt jill's husband) and three cousins Jada, Dallas and Dakota; they live in Georgia. (you also have a much smaller dog cousin named "Tator", he's a dachshund too) You have a great-grandma who lives in Oregon along with lots and lots of relatives who also live in that state.
As you can see, you have a family that already loves you and are waiting for you to arrive one of these days. Mommy and Daddy pray for you every night before we go to bed that God will send you to us soon, that you will be a healthy baby both inside mommy's tummy and when you come out too. To us it doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl, we will love whoever you are. We just cannot wait to meet you, hold you, kiss your sweet head, cuddle you (I hope you love to cuddle), dress you and just be your mommy and daddy. We've been waiting a long time for you and it hasn't exactly been easy waiting, but I know you will be worth it! I know that God just must be putting a lot into making you. You're going to be quite the lil' angel!
I love you sweetie and Daddy loves you and so does everyone else! Won't you please come to be here with us soon? :)
Love,
Your Mommy
This is my first official letter to you. As you will learn one day, you are not here on earth with us yet, but mommy and daddy are waiting for you. Daddy's name is Matthew Daniel and I am Sarah Jan. We were married almost 4 years ago in Sacramento, California on December 16, 2005. Your Mamaw and Grampy still live in California, but I have a sneaky suspicion that when you arrive one day they might make their way here to Texas where we live. You have an Uncle Bart (my brother) and an Aunt April (my best friend since I was little) who also live in California who I'm sure you're going to love and they will adore you too. You already have two silly dachshund puppies who will consider themselves your "brother and sister" and their names are Sprocket (boy dog) and Snickers (girl dog). We have made sure that they love kids and they really do, I know they will love you! Your Nanna and Poppy (daddy's parents) live in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Your daddy is originally from Mississippi and that's where we met in December of 2004. You have an Aunt Jill (daddy's sister), Uncle Bo (aunt jill's husband) and three cousins Jada, Dallas and Dakota; they live in Georgia. (you also have a much smaller dog cousin named "Tator", he's a dachshund too) You have a great-grandma who lives in Oregon along with lots and lots of relatives who also live in that state.
As you can see, you have a family that already loves you and are waiting for you to arrive one of these days. Mommy and Daddy pray for you every night before we go to bed that God will send you to us soon, that you will be a healthy baby both inside mommy's tummy and when you come out too. To us it doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl, we will love whoever you are. We just cannot wait to meet you, hold you, kiss your sweet head, cuddle you (I hope you love to cuddle), dress you and just be your mommy and daddy. We've been waiting a long time for you and it hasn't exactly been easy waiting, but I know you will be worth it! I know that God just must be putting a lot into making you. You're going to be quite the lil' angel!
I love you sweetie and Daddy loves you and so does everyone else! Won't you please come to be here with us soon? :)
Love,
Your Mommy
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